I might as well just get straight to the point, I’ve decided today that I’m going to have a little break from my blog. Right from the moment I started Squished Blueberries, only 4 months ago, I fell in love with blogging. As is the case with everything I fall in love with, I threw myself into it headfirst, and I’m so glad that I did. Scrolling back through the archives now, I adore every post, each title is a memory that brings a smile to my face. I don’t think I need to explain how amazing it is to have so many photos and videos of the kids which would never otherwise have been taken, and finally I can at least do their beautiful faces some sort of justice when I pick up the camera after taking a little time to learn about photography. Even in only 4 months, this blog has brought me a lot of happiness.
But for a while now I’ve known that somethings not quite right, I don’t feel quite like myself anymore. I can’t explain it, I’m just not me. I’m turning into a shouty mum more often than I’d like, I have nowhere near as much patience as I used to, I’m letting the thought of mess and mayhem stop me from doing crafts and activities with the kids, and I’m getting too anxious to take the kids out by myself most of the time. It can easily be explained away by the fact that I’m doing a hard job, I have 3 children at home with me, 5 days a week with no childcare for any of them whatsoever. It’s hard. Of course it’s hard, it’s never going to be easy. But normally I would cope with it all a lot better.
It’s really hard for me to admit to not coping amazingly well 100 percent of the time, because I worry that it invites people to call into question our parenting choices. And to be honest, yes my life probably would be a lot easier if I sent Mabel to school, Greta to preschool and put Ernie into a strict routine. But to do all of that would involve a lot of tears and just wouldn’t be the gentle approach that we like to take with our children. Greta may go to preschool in time when she’s ready and hopefully Ernie will fall into his own routine in the next few months, but I’m not going to force it so that I can give myself a break because that doesn’t feel right. The situation isn’t going to change any time soon, so I need to get myself back into a more positive mindset to be able to deal with everything that a day with three children under five can throw at me and still get up excited to do it all again the next day.
So where does blogging come into it? Well blogging isn’t making me feel bad, it’s just taking up a lot of my time. I love it so much that after the kids, I’m making it my number one priority and I’m putting it before even myself. Every evening instead of winding down after a busy day, I’m cramming in as much blogging as I can. Instead of going to bed at a reasonable time so I can recharge my batteries ready for the morning, I’m staying up as long as it takes to finish a post. During the day instead of being mindful when I’m with the kids, I’m checking social media and replying to emails. At the weekends when Carl takes the kids out for a couple of hours, instead of taking that time for myself I use it to work on the blog. And even after all that, I’m not exactly lighting up the Internet with my blog posts about a new garden slide or videos of my kids making a mess with sudo cream, because it’s not easy to be creative when you’re feeling tired and frazzled.
I know what I need to do to feel like myself again, it sounds cheesy but I need to nuture myself. I need to eat healthily, drink more water, take my vitamins, sleep longer, do yoga, meditate, run…. Do all the things that make me feel better so that I can be the best Mummy I can be. At the moment, blogging needs to take a back seat so that I can give myself the time to do all these things. Hopefully I can fit blogging in there again soon, because although it’s of little interest to anyone else, I do love recording our memories in words, pictures and video, and the reason that I have let it take over my life so much is that I love it, and I want to keep these memories for my children in the future. But at the moment I need to get back to basics and just concentrate on looking after myself for a while.
So for at least the next four weeks I am going to be posting only once a week. That will be my ‘This Little Big Life’ post on a Friday morning and it’s where I will be sharing little bits of our weekends. I won’t be able to stop myself taking pictures of the kids, so Instagram will probably be the best place to find me at other times, and my email is always open if anyone fancies a chat. Other than that, I will be taking a step back on all my social media and using it as a chance to reevaluate how I’m using them. I’ll be trying to find a balance between my blog and my life, which will be hard because I tend to be an all or nothing person, and if you’re a blogger then you know that there is no way that anyone could ever possibly do it all, even if it was your full time job.
I will be back at some point, hopefully feeling more like myself and definitely putting less pressure on myself but still loving recording our memories and sharing our life with you guys.
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